To the Lady in Perkins that will “Always Give her Opinion”

I’ve known this day would come…the day someone, a stranger at that, criticizes and tries to belittle me for the choices I make for my autistic son in a public setting.

It’s hard enough when any child is upset in a public setting. You don’t want the stares and the “looks”. Kids throw fits and tantrums. They can be unknowingly rude. They are messy. Add autism to the picture, and it only intensifies.

BUT

Lady, my son cried for a total of maybe two minutes. He wasn’t throwing a fit. It wasn’t a tantrum. He was hungry, thus the reason we were in a restaurant. He is not even 3-years-old yet. He just worked his tail off at therapy working on the things we all take for granted on a daily basis.

Your attempt to make a scene, all because I chose to seat my child in a highchair to keep him safe, was uncalled for.

Yep, I sure did see those booster seats “right behind me”, but they are not an option right now. My son bolts and wanders. He doesn’t know any better. He is perfectly comfortable and SAFE in a highchair.

Maybe had you used some tact or minded your own business, as your husband was so desperately trying to tell you to do, I wouldn’t be here typing this now.

Let’s be honest, you tried to embarrass me in a moment that was already hard enough. Talking about us loudly enough everyone could hear, and then having the nerve to confront us about it in a rude manner.

At first, you almost won. I got flustered and wanted to get up and leave. But no. I was doing nothing wrong, and either was my son. You, lady, are wrong.

I respect that you had the nerve to say something directly to me, eventually, though I did not appreciate your condescending tone and your extraordinarily rude demeanor.

Every fiber of my being wanted to tell you to “Mind your own f*!#ing business!” But unlike you, lady, I have tact.

I sure feel sorry for your horribly embarassed husband. And guess what? I feel sorry for you, too.

After causing such a scene and my incredibly polite response of “He has autism, and if he sits in a booster seat he will not stay and will wander around.”, which was the only thing I could muster to say, your simple response of “Okay, well I am always going to give my opinion.” I say this to you: you are lucky I kept my “opinion” to myself.

Had you politely asked or suggested maybe he would fair better in a booster seat; cool, I would have appreciated your concern and suggestion and politely explained the situation. But your insistence on making a scene and making sure your presence was known to everyone in the restaurant apparently outweighed your true concern for anyone but yourself.

This isn’t an autism issue, this is a people issue. I ask that the next time you see an obviously flustered person trying to calm their young child that you choose kindness, or better yet, to keep your opinion to yourself! Your “opinion” only made a small anthill of a situation into a mountain.

– AMom’sFaithUnbroken

Ghosting – the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

I haven’t written a blog post in almost a month now; not because I don’t have anything to say (type), but because I have so much I want to say (type), and just don’t know where to start.

I want to start by thanking friends, family, acquaintances for reaching out, attempting to keep me involved, the invites, the updates, the small talk.

While I am still present on social media, I have not really been “present”. I’ve been bad about staying in touch. I’ve been bad about responding to text messages, social media messages, etc.

It’s Not You, It’s me

Seriously, it’s me, and I’m sorry. I’m still learning and adjusting. I’m still consumed by all of the phone calls, paperwork, and appointments; a new way of life completely. My mind is always going. I dream almost every single night about Augustus. My thoughts are consumed. Maybe you’ve seen me out. I still end up going out sometimes after the kids are in bed and my husband is home. Sadly, it’s not so much about socializing as it is about forgetting. It’s about having a few drinks and trying to make things numb. It hasn’t gotten out of hand by any means, but it’s still something I’m doing that I know isn’t useful, but it’s what I’m doing. I’m stressed out. I’m overwhelmed. While I often talk (type) about all of the ways I KNOW are right to deal with stress and being overwhelmed; it is much easier said than done. I admit that. This is all new territory for me, and a territory few enter. I feel different. I find it hard to relate to others. I find myself reading blog posts from others in similar situations and crying. I don’t really know what I’m doing other than that I’m doing my best in not knowing what I’m doing. I know I’m being honest and hope that resonates with someone.

The Stings

As time goes on, it’s going to get better, and dare I say some things easier (?). I have a lot of friends and acquaintances with children around the same age as Augustus. I love seeing messages, videos, and posts about them. Even more, I love the rare chance we get to see each other in person, our children in tow. Although, I have to be honest and admit that it often stings. Something as simple as a friend’s little boy waving goodbye stings. Seeing a friend’s son start to say words stings. Some comments and questions sting. I know that no one person I have come across means any harm by anything they say or ask, but sometimes it stings. I have heard more than once now “Is this something he’s going to grow out of or get over?” No. No it’s not. This is permanent. It’s not something he can grow out of. It’s okay to not understand, but it’s not okay to keep asking this same question when I keep giving you the same answer. If I have to accept this, so do you if you are a part of my/Augustus’ life.

DON’T STOP!!!

I do fear posting that last paragraph. I fear because I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you to keep reaching out and sharing your little ones’ milestones and achievements with me. I need them. I need you. I need you to keep me connected; to keep reaching out; to keep inviting me. I need you to help me stay out of Those Dark & Scary Places. Keep asking me questions! The only way to help spread awareness and acceptance is to answer questions. I want to answer anything you want to know about things personally or in general. Ask! Ask away. Nothing is off limits, except not accepting my answer. (Ha, but seriously…)

I share what’s hard in hopes that it will help you to understand why it might take me a few days to respond to that text or why I may choose not to attend an event, why I may seem distant. I’m trying. I really am. Adding to the mental confusion, overwhelm, and sting is the fact that I’m exhausted. I’m kind of just exhausted in every way. Trust me, communication is not the only thing I’m lacking in. I’ve been wearing my husband’s socks for two days because I don’t have any clean socks. I am busy, very busy, but it’s not that I don’t have time to do laundry, it’s just that sometimes I get in the place where all I want to do is relax and try to forget for a while. This would go back to the whole going out thing. Lately, though, I find myself trying to lose myself in a good book. I think that’s okay, although I know I’d be better off getting lost in THE Good Book.

Asking for Help

I know a lot of times people wonder why I don’t ask for help. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a very independent and prideful person. That’s still true, but I very quickly realized with life as it is currently, I have to overcome all that and ask for help, and I do. At the same time, it’s hard to ask for help because I don’t really know what I need help with because I don’t really even know what I’m doing. Does that even make sense? It does to me, but I would totally get it if it didn’t to you. Ha.

Why I Share

I kind of hit on this before, but I want to make it crystal clear that the reason I share is to HELP and to raise AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE. I am not looking for pity or for you to feel sorry for me. We all live differently and are dealt different hands. The more we can all accept and advocate for one another the happier we will all be. All anyone wants is to be loved and accepted for who they are.

In Conclusion…

I still love you. I still cherish and appreciate our relationship. I need you to keep me present and reach out. That’s how you can help if you’d like to.

xoxo, 

– AMom’sFaithUnbroken

PS There will be a Gus update to come. We are in the middle of a lot of things right now, and redoing our IFSP and starting some new therapy. I’ll share all of the details at a later date once we get it all figured out.

Low-Key Ghosting

Regardless of How I Feel

His truth stands regardless of how I feel.

Emotion – A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationship with others.

Created in the image of God, we have the capacity to experience and express many different emotions.

I, personally, often struggle with unpredictable and random emotions that are seemingly out of my control. Don’t we all? Especially us women…

Emotions are a gift from God, but we must remember that even our emotions were and are tainted by the lapse of humankind into the state of sin; AKA The Fall.

Guess what? Just because we feel something does not mean it’s true.

Deep down I’ve always known this, but lately it’s like a light bulb has gone off in my head…”Hello, I can reject any emotion that crops up if it’s not consistent with HIS truth.” I know, I know, totally easier said than done; but just think, how amazing would it be to be able to feel some sense of control over your emotions.

Our feelings do not always = Reality

Okay, so maybe we can’t help how we feel, but we sure don’t have to let our lives be run by our emotions. Perceived negative emotions are not a sin! God, himself, has been angry. For instance:

Numbers 22:22 (NIV)
But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him…

He admits to being jealous!

Exodus 20:5 (NIV)
You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God…

It’s how we deal with and what we do with our emotions that matters.

When our emotions have us feeling out of control, many of us (myself included) look for ways to mask, numb, or suppress our emotions. We all know how this turns out…We end up making poor decisions that only add to and exacerbate the emotions we are suppressing in the first place. Speaking from experience here!

Many of us turn to social media and technology, staring at screens for hours. Many turn to food, alcohol, or drugs to escape feelings. We all long for a feel-good substitute for actually feeling. We need to feel all the feels, the raw and hard feels, but do so while keeping our mindset geared towards HIM.

If we do not face our emotions and feelings head-on, we will see negative consequences. These consequences will start inside, emotional or spiritual, and will eventually cause very real consequences on the outside both physically and behaviorally.

And sorry ladies, our hormone fluctuations each month or with pregnancy, menopause, etc. are just no excuse. God understands our bodies and how they work better than we do. God created us women. He knows we are strong and capable to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of being a woman. I am not saying this is easy. No way! I fail to “keep my cool” all. the. time. and especially when hormones are raging. BUT I do not believe it is an excuse to behave badly.

What I’m working on now is having my very first response, no matter how I’m feeling, to be to turn to the Lord.

This requires discipline and mental strength. It’s so much easier to numb the feelings and emotions, but I’m here to grow, and growing requires discipline and strength. It’s not easy.

Scripture itself can provide me (and you) with many promises to help level my emotions and feelings. That’s why it is so important to study and know The Word.

I may deal with certain mental and emotional problems for my entire life here on Earth, no matter what I do. Thankfully, though, HE will be with me the entire time. I can look forward to the future knowing that one day all of my pain and suffering will be gone.

True hope is found in Christ alone. He’s with you even when you don’t feel like he is.

Remember this always: His truth stands regardless of how you feel.

– AMomsFaithUnbroken

 

A dear friend shared the song and video below with me. It seemed fitting to go along with this blog entry. Enjoy!