Ada & Augustus decorating eggs at their grandparent’s house for Easter.

Decorating Eggs

We started our Easter festivities by decorating and dying hard boiled eggs at my parent’s house. Ada has the process down and speeds through her decorating. Augustus usually has little interest in the process and would prefer to eat the eggs; shell and all. While he did try to take a few bites, I was very proud of him, as he sat on his dad’s lap and later my lap and really paid attention and even drew on some eggs himself.

After decorating, they (we) got to find our Easter baskets from Grandma & Grandpa hidden throughout the house.

The kids received lots of candy, some outfits, shoes, and lots of other goodies. Ada’s favorite is always the candy. She only spilled her box of nerds twice. Ugh. Augustus’ favorites were probably the bubbles and a light up ball. (We work with bubbles a lot in speech therapy.)

Ada & Augustus popping bubbles at their grandparent’s house.

Easter Sunday

Augustus was happy and awake and ready to take on the day when I woke up Easter morning. He always wakes up happy, and I love that.

Now, Ada is a completely different story. First of all, I had to wake her up. She has been going through a phase with sleep. She will sleep very well a few nights in a row, and then for whatever reason, will fight sleep, tooth and nail, for a few nights. She fell asleep very late Saturday night, so wake up this morning was not easy.

Ada is always excited about church, and still was this morning, but she was weepy about everything. She REFUSED to wear her pretty Easter dress from grandma, or any dress for that matter. She wanted a shirt “with just one thing on it”. Okay… Dresses are “too itchy”. She could not be forced, bribed, or convinced in any manner, and we were out of time. “Pick your battles.”, as they say. She cried because her dad offered her some money to take to church for the collection plate. She cried because her dad asked her if he should try to catch the Easter Bunny for her while she was at church so she could see him. A morning of tears all around. Gah!

The United Church in Philip, SD, Easter Sunday 2019.

Church

Grandma, my sister, and my sister’s daughter picked us up for church. It was a great sermon, and the church was beautifully decorated. Ada was tired and very clingy. Half of the sermon I was trying to hold both kids. Eventually, Gus migrated over to grandma for the latter half of the service. He was shoeless. They fell off. Oh well.

Augustus at church.

Holy Communion

As grandma & Augustus arrived at the table to take communion, Augustus decided to grab the remaining half loaf of bread off of the table and attempt to eat it. Thankfully, Aunt Emily’s reflexes were top notch, and she got it from him before he took a bite. (Emily was behind grandma & Gus and I was behind grandma & Gus and Emily & Harley.) Gus was mad, he wanted some bread. I didn’t pack a snack, either. Normally I do! Grandma got him calmed down, and he was good other than getting a little wild towards the end of service and giggling up a storm.

Grandma, Ada, and Harley at church.

Easter Fun

When we got out of the car to head inside the house, one of Augustus’ shoes fell off again. The moment we got into the house and up the stairs he faceplanted. He hit the ground hard with a very loud “thud” there was blood on the floor when I picked him up. He had a bad nosebleed. He got blood all over his outfit and me and himself and the floor. My poor boy! Of course, the Easter Bunny had stopped by while we were at church, and Ada could see eggs he had hidden. So, we had to slow her down and have her wait until Gus was done bleeding and feeling better. It was stressful, and I may have shed a few tears myself from the stress and because I was being selfish and feeling bad for myself because Gus doesn’t enjoy the usual festivities and excitement of holidays… Pity party over!

Gus wanted to calm down and relax and watch TV. Ada went and found the eggs the Easter Bunny hid, as well as her Easter basket.

We gave Gus his Easter basket, which had a soccer ball, and he was VERY excited about that ball.

Augustus and his new soccer ball.

Ada was all about the candy!

Ada and her M&Ms in her “not itchy dress” and shirt “with only one thing on it”.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate.

He is risen. Alleluia!

Celebrating Easter

We’ve all heard these or something similar…

  • “Get your ducks in a row.”
  • “Get your shit together.”
  • “Get your poop in a group.”
  • “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
  • “All things in moderation.”

Put simply, they are all a way of saying to “get it together” and find balance in your life.

Balance

Balance – a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

Balance is my favorite word in the English language. If we can find it, we can live a meaningful and fulfilling life.

But why is it so hard to find, and even harder to maintain?

I can’t answer that. Can you? It’s something I have struggled with since as far back as I can remember.

I truly strive to go above and beyond in almost everything I do. My problem is that I get too focused on what is requiring the most attention at the time and fall behind on everything else, and my ducks start wandering off, get lost, and then there is a panic or pity party (sometimes both) generally leading to making things worse and creating more problems.

I know this about myself, I can see it; so why do I keep experiencing it in a continuous loop?

How can I fix this? Do I need to let a few ducks fly so I can focus more attention on the others? Can we truly “have it all”?

I don’t know. I think life is one big balancing act, and we spend most of our life trying to find our balance…and we lose our balance All. The. Time.

Unrealistic Expectations

It seems to be very common for people to reach a certain age and realize they are not where they expected to be or wanted to be and maybe don’t even have some of their ducks in the pond yet. That is normal, and it’s totally okay. I say that, I know that to be true, but I still struggle with it. We all do. The answer is in having the attitude and willpower to look at things realistically. The grass may be greener on the other side, but it also may be fertilized with bullshit. You see what I am saying?

We have to learn to expect the unexpected; and for people like me, that really sucks. I like plans and details and structure. Although it is happening slowly, I am learning to take a step back and let some things go for the sake of my (and others) sanity, although it is an everyday struggle. Things gnaw at the back of my mind, and sometimes instead of facing them and correcting them I find something else to focus on, even if it’s not a good thing, and I know in the back of my mind I am only making things worse.

Taking Steps in the Right Direction

I have often shared how overwhelmed I feel and that I sometimes feel like I am drowning. I am happy to say that I feel like I do have my head above water now, even if I do go back under here and there and have to come back up gasping for air. In other words, I still often lose focus and colossally mess up. I am pretty sure it will always be that way, but maybe we can get the “colossally” part out of there.

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS

I am my own worst critic. I am very good at owning up to things and accepting consequences for my actions and being honest. Those are attributes I take pride in. What I am not good at is accepting that I make mistakes and mess up. I suffer with guilt, which is probably my least favorite of the human emotions.

Guilt vs Remorse

Guilt and remorse are very different.

Guilt is geared toward self. Guilt is paralyzing. Guilt is heavy. Guilt is fuel for self-destruction. Guilt is necessary, but nowhere you should stay.

Remorse is awareness. Remorse is aimed at the action that took place, not self. Remorse is where we need to transition to from guilt. Remorse is fuel for constructive action.

While I am good at showing remorse on the outside, I keep guilt on the inside, and if that doesn’t change it will eat me alive.

Forgiveness

I am not a bad person. I am a very empathetic person. I am human. I make mistakes. I own up to my actions the best I can. I am learning. I promise you that. Even if it takes making the same mistake one hundred times before I learn, I will get up, own my shit, make things right, learn, and Let. It. Go. Forgiving myself is the duck that needs to take some priority right now, but I will not let the other ducks run amuck.

Keep My Eye on the Prize

I’m forgiven. You’re forgiven. Now forgive yourself.

– AMomsFaithUnbroken

Herding Ducks