Augustus the Great

was our team name for the LifeScape MallWalk at the Empire Mall in Sioux Falls, SD. Our fundraising goal was $500, and we smashed that goal bringing in a total of $1175! That wouldn’t have been possible without the love and support of our family and friends. We couldn’t have done it without you, and we are so thankful. Considering we were one of the smaller teams signed up, we made a whole lot of money for the LifeScape Foundation. A total of $92,910 dollars was raised for MallWalk25. Very impressive!

I think Ada probably had more fun than Augustus at MallWalk. It is SUPER kid friendly and so, so much fun! There was a DJ and performers and dancing to get everyone pumped up. There were clowns, mascots, superheroes, Disney Princesses, facepainting, balloon animals, a photo booth, team photo areas, and more.

Surprisingly, Ada was all about the superheroes. She spotted Batman from afar, and her goal from then on was to find him, which we did.

Everyone present, staff, superheroes, and guests in general, were so kind.

Then came the actual walk itself. Each team received a sign to hold up displaying their team name and made a big loop around the mall, and the Empire Mall is not small. I don’t even really know how to describe this moment. It was emotional for me. It is one HUGE group of people, all with an understanding of disabilities or having disabilities themselves all together for one cause in one building with one goal. It’s big and caused big feelings. Like I said, I just cannot accurately describe it in words. There were so many people there. For the walk, it is one giant snake of people, no gaps, around the entire mall. Unbelievable.

A couple of my husband’s cousins and children came to MallWalk to get in on the fun and walk with us. We had a blast!

Family Time

The MallWalk was a great reason to get out of town and spend some time together as a family. Like I said, it is a very kid friendly and family oriented event. We arrived the day before the walk to preregister and have some family time. We went to a Build-A-Bear Workshop for the first time, and Ada had a perfect experience there.

The kids had a lot of fun playing on the rides at the mall, too.

This is not to say things went off without a hitch…

We stayed in a hotel Friday and Saturday night. We do have family in the Sioux Falls area, but Augustus has issues with new environments and sleeping, and a hotel is our best bet, as he can have complete darkness and has stayed in hotels before so somewhat knows the routine.

We always bring a pack-n-play for Gus to sleep in. He is far too wild to calm down and relax and go to sleep on a bed, and his pack-n-play is familiar to him. I have no idea what will happen once he outgrows his crib and pack-n-play.

We were on the second floor of a 3 story hotel so there were people above and below us. Gus never just falls asleep. Even at home, he is often awake for hours in his crib. Dane, Ada, and I have grown accustomed to sleeping through his jumping, squealing, laughing, and noises he makes. Granted, at home he is in his own room with the door closed, which muffles some of it.

The hotel was a different story. He stayed up until 1:30 AM jumping, squealing, screeching, flopping, giggling, and just being plain noisy. We were quite concerned we were going to get kicked out of the hotel. Dane and I tried everything we could think of to try to calm him to no avail. This kept Ada awake, too.

Therefore, after MallWalk, which was in the morning, and lots of hard playing with cousins, Ada definitely had quite the attitude, as she was just plain wore out. The next night did go quite a bit better.

Thankfully, the children generally travel pretty well.

All in all it was a great time for a great cause.

I’ve been keeping a sleep journal for Augustus so we can discuss his sleep with his doctor and maybe find a better way for all of us to get better sleep!

Thanks for reading and thank you for your support!

– AMomsFaithUnbroken

LifeScape MallWalk25

February 11, 2019February 11, 2019amomsfaithunbroken Leave a comment

Today I was hit right square in the “feels”. My phone greeted me this morning with my Facebook Memories, which are a recap of things you’ve shared on Facebook in years passed.

One year ago, I shared a picture and an update about Augustus, who had just turned 18 months old.

The caption to this picture read:

“This guy is 18-months-old today! 😲 Can you believe it!? I can’t. 😢 He is a boy of few words, which I think is largely in part to the fact that his older sister never stops talking. 😄 He is always on the move.🏃‍♂️ Even when he watches tv, he walks around. He loves to crawl up onto things and climb. 😓 He has grown 3 INCHES in the last 6 months, and is very close to being off the charts for his height. His height to weight ratio is perfect. So, in other words, he’s a big ol’ healthy boy! 💪 He’s still a big eater and isn’t too picky. 🍗 He adores books and asks to be read to often. 📗 He also likes to sit by himself and look at books. He’s really into throwing and rolling balls around.⚾️ He loves anything with wheels. 🏍 He has a little camoflauge blankie with a stuffed animal deer head on it that is his absolute goto for comfort. ☺ He has to have it to sleep. 😴 He’s big on sleep. He gets a little fussy and wants to go to bed or take a nap and is all for it. 👏 He still likes to wrestle and often uses his head as a weapon. 😏 His sister likes to boss him around and even push him around. 😣 He’s such a lover, though. He usually doesn’t fight back. He loves to give hugs and kisses, and loves to rest his head against mine for some snuggles. He is the sweetest. 😍💙”

Sweet, huh?

Then, in the comments, I elaborated on some details my friends had inquired about:

At this time we were starting to come to terms that maybe something was going on with Gus, but just weren’t sure, and not yet willing to admit it.

I could take the caption to that adorable picture and pick it apart, piece by piece, and show you that what I was describing, although very vaguely and unaware, were some of the symptoms of autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing disorder.

Autism taketh away…

Notice in the comments I mentioned the words he was using? Although they were few, he was using words; for a while. They eventually went away.

That’s what really hit me. It hit me that I’m not even sure I remember what that sweet little voice sounded like, because I never thought it would go away. We all take so many things for granted, such as the voices of our loved ones. I was fortunate enough to hear him say “mama”, which is more than some can say, and I am blessed in that.

That’s what autism has taken away. It took away my son’s voice; his ability to communicate verbally. What I wouldn’t give to hear him say “I love you.” I’d even love to hear him argue with his sister.

While he still makes noises and sounds, he does not speak. Maybe he will again one day, but maybe he wont.

Autism took away the future I saw for my son and my family.

Autism took the wind out of my sails (initially).

Autism rules my schedule and routines.

Autism filled me with doubt and changed the way I see almost everything.

Autism requires my son, my baby, to work so much harder than most to be socially accepted and understood and to learn. He learns differently.

He is different not less!

Autism giveth…

Autism has given me absolute proof that love requires no words. None. That in itself is probably worth more than everything it has taken away.

Autism has given me a new outlook on life and a new way to view things.

Autism has broadened my horizons and introduced me to things and people I would have likely never come across otherwise.

I’ve got some hella wind in my sails now! It took it away, but sent it back with a vengeance.

Autism has given me understanding.

Autism has given me an understanding that words are not needed to communicate.

Autism has given me strength; so much strength.

Autism has renewed my faith and renewed my trust in God.

Autism has given me an entirely unique, loving, affectionate, smiley, and happy son to fulfill my life; my family’s lives.

God has entrusted me with what is perfect and planned for me.

I always wanted to be a mother. That’s all I ever knew. When it became obvious that may never happen I turned to fertility treatments and had my beautiful daughter. Then God, in his own timing, blessed our family with this amazing and unique little boy who would bring us all together and build us all up in strength, understanding, and love, and show me a side of motherhood many don’t see.

Both of my children are perfect for me and to me.

Autism: It Giveth and It Taketh Away

– AMomsFaithUnbroken

Autism: It Giveth and It Taketh Away

December 20, 2018December 20, 2018amomsfaithunbroken Leave a comment

I finally started going to church again, and quickly realized how much I had missed it, and how important it was to me, especially in this season of life. I went for several weeks in a row with my daughter, leaving my son with nonverbal ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and SPD (sensory processing disorder) at home with my husband. Why did I leave him at home with his father? I didn’t feel like he was ready, and most of all, I wasn’t ready…

That Moment

I was sitting on the couch at home while my daughter, son, and niece played. My husband was gone for the weekend deer hunting with his brother. I got a text message letting me know that he wouldn’t be home until the following day sometime in the afternoon. That was fine by me. Then, suddenly, the panic hit…“Who’s going to watch Augustus so I can go to church? I really want to go.” Could I convince my sister to watch him? My dad?…I pondered…Then I got to thinking, really thinking,“Why don’t I take Augustus to church with me?” “What are the real reasons?” This led me to Mr. Google. I simply typed “taking autistic 2 year old to church” into the search bar. I read through many articles and blog posts. Many. In the past, I had read many a horror story about families being asked to leave the service because their child was too disruptive or other members of the congregation making negative comments or “suggestions”. I really wasn’t concerned about that. Anyway, back to my Google search: I came across a blog post from another mother of a child with ASD and she said something along the lines of “He deserves to be ministered to just as much as I or anyone else does.” BINGO! That hit home. I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and immediately headed outside to call my mom. You see, I usually head to church with my mom, niece, and daughter. The times I felt the need to stay home with Gus if my husband was gone, my mom took my daughter to church with her. Back to the phone call: My mom answered and I instantly told her that I was probably going to cry and I didn’t even really know why, but I wanted to ask her about something. I just started out by telling her I thought Gus should be going to church because everything I learned about God when I was little was from church. And yes, I cried. My mom told me she thought the same and that she had wondered if I’d want to bring him but wanted to wait until I was ready. We talked about everything I was worried about, and I mentioned that I thought that there were probably even some congregation members that didn’t even know I had a second child. The conversation concluded with us deciding that she would come pick me and both kids up for church in the morning and that my sister and her daughter would also attend. I then had feelings of a mixture of excitement, peace in knowing I’d come to a good and right decision, and anxiety. A lot of anxiety.

Of note: I really felt like it was meant to be once I realized that this week’s sermon was to be led by the confirmation students with a pancake feed and fellowship downstairs to follow.

The Worry

As I have mentioned before, I dream about Augustus almost every night. I sometimes have happy dreams of him talking (as I mentioned before he is nonverbal). Other times, I wake up in a sweat and panic after dreaming he bolted away from me and I could not find him. Let me tell you, last night that was not a problem. I couldn’t sleep. I was a ball of emotions. All kinds of emotions. I worry because he has sensory issues and is a sensory seeker. He likes to lean, feel, touch, squeeze, mouth, jump, kick, and just move almost constantly seeking that sensory input. Secondly, he is loud. He does not speak, but he vocalizes, loudly. He stims.

I worry he will pull someone’s hair in the pew ahead of us. I worry he will disrupt the sermon or make it difficult for someone to hear. I worry he will have a meltdown due to sensory issues or frustration. I worry he will escape my hold and run around the church. I worry we will distract others from the sermon and message. I worry…and worry…and worry.

The moment I had the night before led me to realize that none of that really matters. Seriously, I might as well get used to getting stared at or scoffed at anyway as we are out in public and once he starts school. People are cruel, quick to judge, and just don’t understand. Fortunately, I knew deep down in my heart, that I had nothing to worry about at my church. Yes, maybe a curious child will glance at us, but no one is going to be upset by his vocalizing (as long as it’s not excessive) and I will and can always walk him out in the case of a meltdown or sensory issue.

He Went to Church

By God, my son went to church and was wholly welcomed and accepted, as I knew he would be, and as all should be at church. It’s sad that we do live in a world where it is possible to receive judgement from those at church. It’s a sad reality. Thankfully, here in my small town, this is not an issue. Amen! How did it go you ask? It went as well as I can expect. I fully admit that I was a ball of anxiety the whole time, and I’m sure Augustus could feel that, which doesn’t help. I will get better as time goes on and it becomes more routine for him and myself. Yes, he did vocalize and move around a lot. I decided to let my mom take him up for the Children’s Sermon. He did try to grab the microphone from the speaker and grab her book. He did vocalize. He did wiggle around. But guess what? That’s what he does. He did just fine. I sat there watching, sweating, worrying, praying. He did just fine.

Right before the Children’s Sermon, the congregation was asked to take a moment to greet one another. A kind woman (and neighbor in fact) came to greet us and asked “Amanda, how many children do you have?” I replied “Just these two.” She then asked “How old is he?” I replied “He is two, and Ada is three.” Then she stated “Well I’m glad you’re all here.” I thought this was very kind and also funny because remember what I mentioned before? Telling my mom that I was sure some people didn’t even know I had two kids. Plus,the woman inquiring is a neighbor. I was right.

I held Augustus much of the sermon and put him down on the ground when I could tell he had the need to jump for a minute, which I do not feel was disruptive to anyone. After a while, Grandma held Gus, and it was cute to see that he liked to rest his head against her mouth during hymns. He liked to listen and feel. That goes back to his sensory needs. There was also piano and guitar accompaniment at today’s service. Augustus loved that. He loves music, and especially loves guitars. The sermon today just happened to be about bullying and our branch of churches keeping children safe and making everyone feel welcome. It was meant to be. I have to admit, overwhelmed with emotion during the sermon, I had a few tears. I can’t really even tell you why for sure. I suppose because I was just relating and feeling the sermon. Probably feeling guilty for keeping him from church before. It was overall a good experience and one I am proud to say I made it through. This was all on me, not him. He is who he is. I’m the one that was seeming to have an issue with that. But, that is no more. He’s my Gus. My favorite guy.

The icing on the cake was when I was holding Gus after the service was over and a female member of the congregation walked up and took Gus’ little hand and said “You did so good today!” I said “Yes. Today is the first time he’s been to church since he was in a child carrier.” After that Augustus vocalized and flapped his arms looking at this lady happily, and she said “And we don’t mind that one bit!” (Referring to his vocalizing and stimming.) I have to say, while I was glad to have gone through the whole service unscathed other than by my own emotions and worry, that comment touched my heart.

I decided not to stay for the pancakes and fellowship downstairs. I was emotionally drained and decided it best to take one thing at a time. Also, Gus has some feeding issues, too. Not that I am embarrassed by them, just that it is a lot of work to feed him and I was drained.

In Conclusion

He was ready to attend church all along. I wasn’t ready for him to. It was a sin to keep him from church, and I have asked for forgiveness, and will be forgiven. I thought I had the best of intentions, but in reality what’s best is him being at church.

Thank God for helping me realize how important it is for both of my children to attend church services and worship with others and be ministered to. Thank God for my church, my pastor, and the congregation. Thank God for my supportive family and friends. We will see you in church next week!

– AMomsFaithUnbroken